I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
