well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
and she was petting her beer can
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Randomize
