this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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