u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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