Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
