Sponge bath it is.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
