rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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