i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
