just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
