I skipped work to stalk him.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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