I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
