If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
