I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
