My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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