she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize