I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching her eat just hurts me
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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