It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just cropdusted the office
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
