Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
