dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.