she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
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Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
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I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence