No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
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And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
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All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar