i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I have aggressive nipples.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.