I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.