I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
