Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
