Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
