I hope mine doesn't look like that
Quick, to the slutcave!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
