you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
