At least make sure they are 18
Why
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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