so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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