The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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