Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
