I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
