Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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