How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
