she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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