I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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