I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Randomize
