I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
