I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
