i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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