i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
