Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
