That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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