I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize