She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
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She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
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I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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