Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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