Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
