dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
