she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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