She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
