he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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