I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
