It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
