you turned your livingroom into a bong?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
