if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
