I feel like abortions should bother me more
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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