you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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