Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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