Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize