He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Randomize
