That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
