I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
