I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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