I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I touched a dick in church today
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
