no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
