when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
