What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
